Reality Ends

***New song and new project alert!!***

I actually have two SoundCloud accounts.
1. Because I was running out of time on the other
2. This account is dedicated to the music I make in GarageBand (meaning there aren't vocals)

Yes. Anyway, I'm working on putting together an album call "Reality Ends". It's going to contain at least 10-12 songs and I'll be selling them for 5 bucks on campus once I'm done. So go ahead and check it out. See if you like it and if you do let me know. I might send you this song for free. I mean why not??

No End -  by Taylor Ray (click here)

Poem of the Week

"God Box" - Ken Arkind (CUPSI 2014)

**LANGUAGE ADVISORY**

I don't know who reads my blog and quite frankly if you can't handle strong language I caution you. Such strong emotion in this piece, it really hits a point each time I listen to it. So often we want God to fit into our box. We make our own terms and conditions that He has to apply to. We shout at the sky, forgetting who we are trying so desperately to reach for God's attention. We already have it. So why then so we keep trying so hard? God only knows. Ironic right?

Unfortunate News

Hey guys, I might disappear for a while and I might not. It depends on how stressed I am. So this past Saturday, October 25, 2014 - My step-mom was hit and killed by a drunk driver. I am flying home for an unknown amount of days and I will not be posting or I will. It depends I guess. Thanks for being understanding.

Ray

UPDATE (27/10):
I've landed safely and have been home for roughly 4 hours. Damn this isn't easy. I owe so much thanks to Mr. and Mrs. Schultz, two people who have done so much for me through high school, for flying home with me. They've been a tremendous help. I'm absolutely terrified for the days to come but I guess I'll figure it out along the way. Also I'll probably end up being for roughly a week and a half. So woo.

UPDATE (29/10):
Most likely I won't be leaving until after sometime next week. It's really frustrating and slightly upsetting. I don't mean any disrespect towards my step-mom and if she were here I'm sure she'd understand. My dad wants me to stay for the burial which is on Monday next week (3rd of November) which will take about 15 minutes, then he wants me to stay until Tuesday and drive back home (I call school home - Don't ask, it just feels like home ok?) with a lady I barely know. And I wouldn't mind driving except for the fact that it takes and entire day to drive back. Then Wednesday I wouldn't even go to class because I have to reschedule a bunch of meetings with profs and my councilor and advisor. My dad won't let me fly either... And I am more than willing to pay for my own ticket.
I'm just extremely stressed and some of my family is making this way harder than it needs to be... I can't even make a simple decision right now I'm so stressed and depressed. (Which isn't helpful because I already have severe anxiety and mild depression). Anyway - I'll keep updating. Funeral is Saturday and I'm already panicking. *eternal sighing*

UPDATE (31/10):
Well now I'm flying alone. I fly back to school on Monday. My Aunt ended up using her frequent flyer miles to grab me a ticket at 50 or 80 bucks. She flies a lot for work. The funeral is tomorrow and I'm just beat. My dad thinks I'm bottling it up and everyone's worried I'm going to do something. I'm fine. Well as fine as one can be after a death of a close one. I just deal differently then they do. Everyone in my surrounding themselves with a TON of people. I mean a lot of people. It's very kind how many have reached out. But I don't cope that way. To many people stress me out. I have a trusted set of friends who know me better than my family and that is how I handle things. With close friends. I don't do large groups, it's draining and depressing. I'm as okay as I can possibly be right now so please stop asking me to talk to you, because I won't unless I trust you.
Thank you to everyone who's been supporting me thus far. It's not going to get any easier but thank you for just being there.

UPDATE (4/11):
Safely back on campus as of last night. Easy flight - I almost missed it... Funeral was Saturday and the burial was Monday. Thank you to everyone who has helped me so far through this terrible time.

Vectoring Flipped

Current class assignment: We are working on vectoring photographs and importing/exporting into Illustrator and Photoshop. I find this to be a lot of fun and I love the way it looks as is. Sure it's a bit tedious and time consuming, yet it's totally worth it (even if it just a dorky school assignment). I just really enjoy finally being able to work with computers. I didn't have access to this kind of equipment back home. I didn't even really have a knock off program. I could only really admire the art from a distance. Now I'm immersing myself as much as I can.

Falling into the Dark

Here lately I've been working on posing R-DIO in different ways. This piece is called "Falling Into the Dark" - Sometimes, darkness finds you alone and decides to take you with it, but really we should have nothing to fear. The darkness can only last so long. So embrace it and fall. Let it catch you. Just don't stay there too long.

Poem of the Week

This weeks Poem of the Week: "The Future"
Neil Hilborn, performing at the 2013 National Poetry Slam in Cambridge, MA


Neil Hilborn is by far one of my favorite slam poets. I feel his work is always honest and it comes from personal experience. Personally I relate to a lot of his pieces. I actually suffer from severe anxiety and moderate/mild depression. This poem means a lot to me. When I first heard it, I actually broke down crying in my room. There gets to a point in this poem where he talks about wanting to kill himself - and when I first heard this poem, those types of thought were weighing extremely heavy in my mind. After listening to this poem, something broke inside of me and I knew that things would be okay despite the fact that everything really sucked then (and even now. Granted I'm at the college of my dreams - but that's a story for another day). Whenever I have a panic attack, sometimes if my clarity/sanity isn't completely gone, I'll repeat and excerpt from this poem. Here it is:

"The point is, here is a list of things my brain has told me to do: join a cult; start a cult; become a cabinet maker; kill myself, so, in essence, become a cabinet maker; break into, and then paint, other people's houses; have sex with literally everyone who reminds me of my mother; fight people who are much fightier than me, like the cops, so, in essence, kill myself. I think a lot about killing myself, not like a point on a map but rather like a glowing exit sign at a show that's never been quite bad enough to make me want to leave. See, when I'm up I don't kill myself because, holy shit, there's so much left to do. When I'm down I don't kill myself because then the sadness would be over, and the sadness is my old paint under the new. The sadness is the house fire or the broken shoulder: I'd still be me without it but I'd be so boring... I know tomorrow is going to come because I've seen it. Sunrise is going to come, all you have to do is wake up. The future has been at war, but it's coming home so soon... I saw the future, I did, and in it, I was alive."

And that's it. 
I'm alive. You're alive. We're living in a shitty world together and that's okay. We'll figure it out eventually.
Have a great day guys. 

Digital Imaging - Vectors

Worked with some vectoring today - Good refresher for me. Managed to learn some new things today as well. Always glad to learn more. Here's a look at what I've done so far.









UPDATE:

So I finished the vectoring and created a an image that we can punch through stuff! (Still learning technical terms and all - but it's still freaking cool.) SO YEAH!

R-DIO

R-DIO is a character I created a while ago. He's a cutie - generally quiet. You probably recognize him from an earlier post. He was part of the "Broadcasted Outcast" photo.  The original idea behind the first photo was that he was proud to be an outcast so he didn't mind sharing - from there I just kind of fell in love with his character. He reminds me a lot of me.

The text above him is a song called "I'll Follow You Into The Dark" by Death Cab for Cutie, which happened to be in the poem of the week. It's a song that I've always liked. The song itself can have so many different meanings and depending on how you feel or what you're thinking - the song means something else to you. Check it out sometime.

Forest Derp

Using a couple of techniques observed in Digital Imaging, both from what I've actually learned and just from watching Professor Boggs in class - I've created a gif with the previous image I created when I was practicing moving one photo to another (the one with my friends head photoshopped onto Rainbow Dash). Yeah this took about 2 hours... I had no idea what I was ACTUALLY doing, but hey - I learned something new at least.

Poem of the Week

William Giles & Tui Scanlan - "Into The Dark" (NPS 2014)

Performing for Hawai'i during semifinals at the 2014 National Poetry Slam

     I love how they are so in sync with each other and how they incorporated a song into their poem that relates to the point they trying to convey. I feel like they did a great job of getting their point across. I just really admire the way this was put together.

"Love of mine, some day you will die
But I'll be close behind
I'll follow you into the dark"

I Will Follow You Into the Dark - Death Cab for Cuties

Heads up

Hey guys - Just a little heads up, if you start seeing things pop "in the past", I'm just archiving some of my old work. I found one of my flash drives with some writing on it and I'll probably go through and correct mistakes and all that jazz, then post it in the date it was actually created. Also I'll be posting some of my college work eventually! Just been pretty busy actually making it and then actually having to turn it in, so those will also start popping up "in the past" as well. I just like things to be organized and not all posted on the same day. Please bare with me as this goes on. Until then enjoy what's currently posted and what will be posted whether it be from the past or presently today - Later.

Ray

Do You Know the Muffin Man?

Daily doodles

Sometimes you just have to take an ordinary object and give it a face. Then give him an inner struggle - so that a conflict may be resolved. Congratulations you've just started a little comic.

Poem of the Week

From the album and Graphic novel, 'Silence Is A Song I Know All The Words To'

Written and Performed by Shane Koyczan
Music by: Cayne McKenzie & Hannah Epperson
Artwork by: Gareth Gaudin
Animation and Editing by: Amazing Factory Productions

I really love Koyczan's work. It's something I can relate to and admire. He is on my list of favorite poets. 

Homecoming

First college homecoming. Got a picture with Gracey the school's mascot. She's a cutie. I didn't go to the dance but I did help out with Art Club. We had a saran-wrap spray paint wall. It was pretty rad - check it:

Rainbow Derp

Practicing skills from Digital Imaging class - Also a few skills I already knew... This is my best friend Leah.